Sphs Blog

Today is September 28th, 2024

Hello, Welcome to my Blog.

I moved to Paris a month ago to obtain a master’s degree in urbanism. I have been wildly homesick for the past month, but there are so many uniquely beautiful things in Paris. Right now I’m sitting in a fittingly uncool co-working space. I was too afraid to speak French to the man at the door of the historic library nearby, and again too afraid to speak to the lady at the dumplings store, so now I’m eating an apple, watching the people pass by.

There’s a lot moments like this here. Where I’m stuck between being brave and trying something new, or holding back and maintaining a minor degree of dignity. People always speak to me in French here, and look so disappointed when I don’t understand the entirety what they are saying. I tell myself that I am brave for being here at all, but I know it’s not enough to truly make the most of it.

I have a lot of dreams of home. Last night in a dream, I was with my friends from high school. We were sitting at my mom’s house in the backyard, like how we did a lot of times, but they were different, more grown than how I remembered them. That will be the case when I come back, I am missing a place that will change as much as I do over the next two years.

Last night, I was with a friend from French Guyana, he’s only 21 but he looks and acts much older. We were talking about home and he took a drag from a cigarette and said “Some things are better to bury deep. It hurts to talk about French Guyana, and it’s even more painful to think about it, so I try not to.”

He told me this when we were walking away from a fashion week after party. I haven’t felt that out of place since I was a teenager. This is the strangest thing, you can work your whole life to get somewhere, and nothing will prepare you for the fact you might not like it.

But I need you to understand that it is getting better every day. After the solemn talk with my friend, while I sat on the metro back home, I watched two teenagers sit across from each other, and every time they made eye contact, they burst out laughing. I could tell they were in love.

The rain in Paris never lasts too long.

Hopefully tomorrow, I’ll be a bit more brave.

From Paris with love,

Sph